I am having to work much harder than usual at keeping a positive attitude right now. I think perhaps because I am so tired when I get home from work I am more susceptible to negative lines of thought. I'm usually on my feet for almost the entirety of my shift so my feet ache a good deal when I get home. Though I suppose even the slight amble I undertake must be of some utility towards health, not much though.
Since my relationship ended recently I also feel somewhat adrift. With what I thought was a long term relationship going it felt like no matter what happened I had point of stability in my life. That everything would work out fine in the end because I had my partner in crime, someone to help and be helped by. The job that I have does not give me the sense that I will get stable relationship stuff from it. It is one of those companies that likes to keep its employees in suspense about if they'll be employed in six months or not. Still, I have money coming in even if it is only theoretical for a few more weeks as it works its way through the payroll system. And I should get to claim my last week of unemployment, maybe, hopefully. Though no matter what happens my credit card and other expenses are paid up for March.
I both feel like I should jump right back into dating and also not. Everything seems to be flying up in the air and grasping at potential relationships right now seems like a poor idea. But on the other hand I feel lonely, especially on nights when I come home and the apartment is empty and it hits me again that Richard did not want to stay together with me.
THIS is important!!!
5 years ago