Saturday, February 28, 2009

Putting on a Happy Face

I am having to work much harder than usual at keeping a positive attitude right now. I think perhaps because I am so tired when I get home from work I am more susceptible to negative lines of thought. I'm usually on my feet for almost the entirety of my shift so my feet ache a good deal when I get home. Though I suppose even the slight amble I undertake must be of some utility towards health, not much though.

Since my relationship ended recently I also feel somewhat adrift. With what I thought was a long term relationship going it felt like no matter what happened I had point of stability in my life. That everything would work out fine in the end because I had my partner in crime, someone to help and be helped by. The job that I have does not give me the sense that I will get stable relationship stuff from it. It is one of those companies that likes to keep its employees in suspense about if they'll be employed in six months or not. Still, I have money coming in even if it is only theoretical for a few more weeks as it works its way through the payroll system. And I should get to claim my last week of unemployment, maybe, hopefully. Though no matter what happens my credit card and other expenses are paid up for March.

I both feel like I should jump right back into dating and also not. Everything seems to be flying up in the air and grasping at potential relationships right now seems like a poor idea. But on the other hand I feel lonely, especially on nights when I come home and the apartment is empty and it hits me again that Richard did not want to stay together with me.

5 comments:

Amy said...

*hugs and thinking of you*

Mishalak said...

Much more positive outlook the morning after. I sort of expect that work is going to wear me down to negative posts quite often, but so far I'm recovering each morning.

John Fiala said...

Sorry to hear you broke up there. :( I expect the feet will feel better as they get toughened up.

Harriet said...

Oh, dear, he's moved out already? I didn't realize that, if so.
The tiredness does make it easier to slip into the negativity and depression, I know first-hand. Just remember, I work late, so if you're up and need to talk after 9:30 or 10 pm, give me a shout.
And as far as the feet, try to invest in some good shoes, or at least some arch supports for the shoes you have. That helped me a lot when I was working on my feet all day.
Love and hugs!

Mishalak said...

No, he's just not always here. No change, but now it feels like a prelude to when he will be gone permanently.