Putting on a Happy Face

I am having to work much harder than usual at keeping a positive attitude right now. I think perhaps because I am so tired when I get home from work I am more susceptible to negative lines of thought. I'm usually on my feet for almost the entirety of my shift so my feet ache a good deal when I get home. Though I suppose even the slight amble I undertake must be of some utility towards health, not much though.

Since my relationship ended recently I also feel somewhat adrift. With what I thought was a long term relationship going it felt like no matter what happened I had point of stability in my life. That everything would work out fine in the end because I had my partner in crime, someone to help and be helped by. The job that I have does not give me the sense that I will get stable relationship stuff from it. It is one of those companies that likes to keep its employees in suspense about if they'll be employed in six months or not. Still, I have money coming in even if it is only theoretical for a few more weeks as it works its way through the payroll system. And I should get to claim my last week of unemployment, maybe, hopefully. Though no matter what happens my credit card and other expenses are paid up for March.

I both feel like I should jump right back into dating and also not. Everything seems to be flying up in the air and grasping at potential relationships right now seems like a poor idea. But on the other hand I feel lonely, especially on nights when I come home and the apartment is empty and it hits me again that Richard did not want to stay together with me.

The Good and the Bad

I have a job and I am tired as I was doing paperwork and training from 8am until 7pm. That is all.

Heavy, Heavy, Heavy Things

I note in passing, just before I brush my teeth and head to bed, that a table-saw is a very heavy item. A drill press may or may not be heavier. And my family has an awful lot of stuff to move in this last month. Any debt of labor I may have incurred though the moving of books has already been repaid with interest several times over in the course of this and we've not even come to the pool table yet. I wonder how that thing shall be managed even with stars favorable to the operation. I rather wish my father was more reasonable about selling it. Or just leaving it.

Two More Days of Waiting

As promised I have a post after dinner, but it is a disorganized mess rather than something interesting. Why? Because I thought about writing something and decided it was dreck after I had finished. So I am sitting hear with chicory 'coffee' getting ready for bed. Tomorrow will be another day helping my parents pack up. I am also going to have to schedule time to do my grandmother's taxes which she cannot do herself, of course. Her mutual fund information finally came. I would expect that given the state of the market she won't have to pay very much in taxes this year. But we'll see.

That's pretty much it. Everything from going to Karval Kon to my future volunteer status at the library is on hold until I get more information about my exact job schedule on Thursday. And so now we wait to see how things come out.

Bicycle Ride to the Library

Must be Tuesday as I jumped on my bicycle at noon and headed down to shelve media items. Shelving movie and music discs is not a task for the goal orientated. It is very much something that is a journey rather than a destination. Get those items out there so they can go right back out again. Books, for the most part, move at a slower pace due to their longer check-out times and also that a lot of library patrons come in just for the media items.

The weather was excellent for bicycle riding today. It was just a bit breezy rather than being actually windy and I flew down 7th Avenue. Last Friday when I was doing bookdrop at the library it was terribly gusty and while good for me the ride was not nearly as fun.

I think it helps to make me feel better to ride to the library every few days. It gives me both a reason to get out and makes me feel alive. The only downside to the ride today was that I forgot my wallet at home so I had to beg money from Richard to buy meat for tonight's dinner. I am going to make something dead simple. Pork chops under the broiler with Brussels Sprouts and carrots on the side sounds good. It is about time to work on that so adieu until I have time to write after dinner.

Homebody

One of the many things that I am grateful for now is that I did not get the flight attendant job I went out for in 2005, four years ago now. With everything that has happened since and all the things I know now about how the airline industry has changed and the likelihood that I would have been laid off my life is better for not having gotten that job.

I did not see it then, but the airline industry that I loved growing up was dead and gone by 2005. It may have died even before the 2001 hijackings without anyone noticing and the paranoia of the west since then only accelerated the changes. Now the airlines are greyhound buses in the sky. Miserable cramped unpleasant places with next to no standards. I miss the days of dressing up in a suit to fly. I miss when young children would be called up to the cockpit to see the controls, and not necessarily just airline brats either. In short I miss travel being as pleasant and interesting as getting to your destination. It cost more, but I would rather pay for that. This is why I no longer travel.

I don't want to be a piece of meat packed into as small a space as they can make the average person tolerate. And I'm glad that I'm not part of that. Flying is now and is for the foreseeable future something I will only do if absolutely necessary, not something I do by choice.

This does cut me off from certain options, but that's what life is about. There are infinite possibilities and you cannot choose them all.

March for New Beginnings

This is possibly the last week I will be on unemployment. A very exciting possibility, but also an event the brings on a certain amount of apprehension as any change is apt to do. Not terrible fears, just mild ones relating to what my work schedule will be like, the amount of vacation time, and the like. I hope that things will work out well, but I did not inquire too closely as to the exact particulars beyond the rate of pay and exactly what I will have to do as I am quite hungry to have a job. No matter what happens I intend to stick with this position for at least one year from my actual date of hire. I am also quite hopeful that the addition to my resume may help me in eventually landing a job with the Denver Public Library. It seems to me that between my volunteer work and the interaction with the public and loss prevention aspects of my job that I would be a good fit for one of their hybrid security guard/circulation clerk positions. And once I have a city job I shall never, never give it up.

I doubt I will write much publicly about my job both for the reason that I don't wish for my employers to read my thoughts about work and also for reasons of propriety. I am willing to say on this blog that I will be working in loss prevention with a major supermarket chain. If I am to continue blogging about work as was my habit in the past I shall have to figure out how to make the system work here on Blogspot as I simply do not trust the current owners of livejournal with private information as well as disliking particular policies.

Speak up if you want to read my thoughts about work, sex, or any of the other topics that I relegate to my 'secret' journal. Or speak up if I added you and you cannot seem to get it to work.